09 Dec Are you imposing yourself on others?
I recently had an interesting realization.
Before, “being me” meant I had a little rebellious attitude around “ME”. I was a little direct (lightly speaking) and I was imposing who I thought I should be on others in a raw way!
Now, I am learning that being ME is not imposing myself on others, but rather being aware of what I project and knowing what I want and where I’m going. My imposition was my way of saying “hey! look at me and love me!!” (funny enough, that behaviour is kind of repelling to me now!)
I was constantly looking on the outside to fill a void on the inside (wanting to be special for someone), I was a “taker” and not a “sharer”. The truth is, anyone who’s looking outward to fill an emptiness inside depends on others for their happiness and fulfilment. It sounds horrible, but it’s true.
Being ME required me to be honest with myself and my behaviour. I had to recognize the motive behind my behaviour and accept the fact that I was looking for attention and recognition by being loud or rebellious because I wanted to feel special.
Now being ME means that my choices come from within. The choices come from a place of already being full and not looking to fill a void somewhere. I know what is good for me, what I want, that I am there for myself and that I can stand up for myself. I trust that I can listen to what I need whether it is something that feels good or doesn’t.
What I am trying to explain through my own experience is that to fully be in your power and make choices that are aligned with the true you, you cannot make a choice that depends on anything or anyone else. Your choice or decision cannot be attached to having or wanting to feel something in return. If you make a choice based on what someone else wants, what they might think, what you think they might want from you, or based on someone else’s approval, you are in trouble…
The tricky part is realizing – and admitting! – that you are doing it. This behaviour is often so ingrained in us that we don’t realize we are doing it.
There are so many people stuck in this pattern that we think it’s the way to live! Here are just a few examples…
- Wearing a certain type of clothing because you want to please your significant other (because you’re looking to be desired).
- Not having healthy boundaries and allowing someone to get away with something you don’t really like because you fear losing them (because you want to feel loved).
- Cooking a meal based on the other person’s preference and not what is important for you (you’re looking to be recognized).
- Surprising your significant other with something you know he or she really wants because you want to see the reaction on their face (you want to feel special).
One thing to know here is that any behaviour can mean different things. It all depends on the intention and motive behind what we do. This is why when we want to bring true transformation, it’s so important to work with someone who can pull us out of our stories to see reality. It’s very hard to be objective with old ingrained patterns. I can share a tip here: When you catch yourself in a behaviour where you’re looking for something in return, ask yourself:
“What is my motive behind doing this?”
Regardless of what it is, every time your choice is attached to an outcome with the goal of making someone else happy and in return making you feel loved or special, you’re screwed… you are not in your power and you are not choosing you.
It’s time to really look at the source of your behaviour and step into your power. It’s not easy but it’s simple. It all depends on how ready you are at making a change.
If you want to understand what is causing you to get caught in this loop and understand the human part of you so you know how to follow the guidance of your soul, my group coaching program Diving Into Your Essence is designed just for that!
This intimate 14-week group coaching program will transform the way you live and we begin on January 15th!
See you on the other side,