03 Sep Vulnerability to Expand Your Capacity to Love
One of the things I recently learned is that to experience love, you have to be willing to be vulnerable. What I mean by this is that we need to not be afraid to open up, connect deeply and exchange freely even if it means we can get hurt. The kind of love I am talking about is not based on dependency, unhealthy attachments or obsessions… I am referring to two individuals who are attracted to each other and have the desire to connect on a deeper level.
It’s not easy to be vulnerable as many of us have built protection mechanisms like pushing back when we get too close, or making excuses to “not be available” in order to not risk being hurt. Society has taught us to not feel our feelings and even to label sadness, grief, heartache or any “unpleasant” or “painful” feelings as bad. We focus on the pain instead of the teachings and growth that pain gives. Every emotion – “good or bad” – is there to teach us something.
When I work with my clients on emotional pain, one of the things I teach is what the emotions are really saying. I teach people to go beyond the story (meaning their interpretations of the pain) and I guide them to see the real message that the emotion is there to teach them. As an example, frustration could lead to feeling like you are not being heard, which could be tied to your values not being honoured. When you become aware of the reality behind the emotion, instead of blaming the other for their behaviour, you can communicate calmly about what you are experiencing. Once my clients see the emotion from this objective and non-judgemental point of view, they can start making peace.
When you are vulnerable, you allow yourself to dive into the experience. It’s about exposing all of yourself and sharing it with the other. Being vulnerable also means that you are taking the risk of being hurt as there is nothing that guarantees that the relationship will work. But you will never know what the relationship can evolve into if you don’t fully immerse yourself in it.
There is no better teacher than life experience. It’s through experience that you can integrate the lessons that a relationship has to offer and expand your capacity to love.
I invite you to explore where you could be holding back or closing off in order to not get hurt.
“What am I fearing?”
“What can happen if I allow myself to experience this?”
Your answer will guide you towards what you need in order to heal and be able to be vulnerable (we all need healing on different levels).
If you truly want to experience love, a deep connection, a powerful exchange, and share a unique intimacy, you simply can’t hold back. Vulnerability is key to live the magnificence of life and the deepest treasures that love and what being human has to offer.
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