19 Dec The Gap
You have the power to choose; to choose ANYTHING from how you dress in the morning, what you eat, what you say, to how you handle situations, how you raise your kids and the line of work you do . You can even choose how you feel and if you can be successful. The catch is that we are so caught up in the story of our own lives that we don’t realize our choices! We are on auto-pilot functioning on programs, patterns and beliefs that don’t even align with the truth of who we truly are. We react, move through the motion, or worse, wait for something to happen. Very few of us know how to use the power of choice effectively to create the life we are destined to live.
On a certain level, this concept is “obvious”. What is not so obvious is how much of it we are not applying… The impact of consciously choosing – or not choosing – what we eat or how we dress has less impact on your life than consciously choosing our career, our spouse/partner or what we do with our money. We often don’t realize what pushes us to make the choices we make and we end up saying to ourselves “how did I end up creating this?” or “why does this always happen to me?” The answer is simple; we don’t know how to choose consciously; we are not capitalizing on the gap between stimulus (what happens or situation at hand) and response (how you react or what you do with the situation) to create the life you are meant to live.
I’ve been on my self-evolution path for a long time. I uncovered a ton of things and released many of them. I’ve evolved like crazy. Just when I thought I had uncovered “all the big issues”, I realized that I had security issues. Every choice I had made until that point was based on my fear of not making it alone, of wanting someone to care for me. I always had business partners or I was hiding behind a franchise. I needed the perceived security of someone or something else being there “for me” other than just me. When I finally decided to share my own message and serve in my own way, it became obvious that I didn’t know how to create any type of security. I had always depended on someone else for that! The big AH HA came when it dawned on me that I could choose to feel secure within my self. Feeling secure is actually a choice you can make! Stop depending on others (or ideas) is a choice. I realized it’s that feeling of security within me that brings the security in my outer world. Because I feel it I can see it and I have the confidence to accomplish anything, the assurance to move forward and the peace of mind (and peace of heart!) to be who I need to be which attracts what I need. So now, if/when I feel insecure or wonder how I’m going to make it, I stop and ask myself “what do I choose to feel? What do I want to create and what actions – or inactions – are required for that to come to reality?”
How do you access “the choice gap”?
- 1st: like in anything, is to be aware that you can choose – at any time, for anything.
- 2nd: stop yourselves when something arises.
- Now that you stopped, this is where your power lies. There is a gap. This gap is the “time” that you can use to choose how you want to respond to the situation at hand. It is where you can look at what is happening, assess what is truly at hand and “look at the options” of how you want to handle your response in a way that is aligned with your values, beliefs and what is important to you. All this can take 15 sec. up to whatever time you need. It all depends on what is at stake.
Learn to use this gap.
If you look at your life right now, where could this new awareness have most impact? How can you start changing your life now?
I encourage you to try it with your kids, life partner and clients. Your life will slow down and start re-shaping itself. Try it!
Who discovered “ the gap”?
Viktor Flankl, an Austrian neurologist-psychiatrist and holocaust-survivor, realized while he was held captive in the concentration camp, that if he could find meaning even in the most difficult time, he could survive. He used the gap between stimulus (or what was happening around him and to him) and response (how he wanted to respond) to find meaning. He said: “Between stimulus and response there is a gap”.
Learn to use this gap to create a life you truly are happy to live.